Took a short nap yesterday in the afternoon and woke up, body still abit weak. Perhaps i haven't been taking good care of myself like i ought to. After all this body is a temple of God. So it includes a healthy does of sleep and exercise as well as regular meals.
Just alittle thought: putting God before self.
The number of times that i often make a decision without asking God for guidiance. Using common logic and sense, and maybe emotions w/o even realising it. God is not to be seeked for just in big situations/decisions. He wants to be involved in every aspect of my life. Maybe a question for myself would be : How much am I allowing God to be involved in my life?
Trust, lead, serve and follow Christ and not be a stumbling block to others. Something that will always be on my mind.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Meditate and Ponder
Quite afew stuff to think about lately... more like how am i gonna progress with God.
My music teacher once told me...
Music Teacher: "You think that you will remain the same standard even though u do not practice? You either move up or you move down."
There's quite abit of truth in that. After she said that.. it really did made me ponder abt all aspects of life. Especially my walk with God.
Today i went for a Business course class. I sat there... with my heart and mind still confused what to do. Felt alittle lonely sitting in that room. It felt strangely awkward sitting in that lecture room not knowing anyone! Anyway... there was the urge to leave the room walk out and just decide to do accounting with the rest of my friends. Afew minutes later, a girl walked in.
"She's looking funky. Petite. Pretty. HMmm Asian... Hmmm maybe Singaporean!" I tot to myself.
She sat in front of me. I smiled. She smiled.
My heart was not in the lecture, but it was somewhat to my interest and it was very practical. Everthing was put simply. So even though i wasn't really paying attention. I could understand what she was talking about.
5minutes break was given. She turned around.
"Are you Singaporean?"
Yea.. we started talking from there.
Realised that she's been here for a sem. She has siblings here as well. But she's missing home lots. After lecture, we walked back home together (st lucia aint that big so we all live somewhere ard the corner) and we talked more.
She's not a christian, but already knows what she need to know about God cause she came from a presbyterian secondary sch. I think she knew where i was heading to judging from the way she went about explaining things.
That's the thing. Somehow pple know who God is but... to know as a personal Lord and saviour is another matter.
Maybe there's a purpose in me doing this course. HmmMMmm... have to pray about it.
My music teacher once told me...
Music Teacher: "You think that you will remain the same standard even though u do not practice? You either move up or you move down."
There's quite abit of truth in that. After she said that.. it really did made me ponder abt all aspects of life. Especially my walk with God.
Today i went for a Business course class. I sat there... with my heart and mind still confused what to do. Felt alittle lonely sitting in that room. It felt strangely awkward sitting in that lecture room not knowing anyone! Anyway... there was the urge to leave the room walk out and just decide to do accounting with the rest of my friends. Afew minutes later, a girl walked in.
"She's looking funky. Petite. Pretty. HMmm Asian... Hmmm maybe Singaporean!" I tot to myself.
She sat in front of me. I smiled. She smiled.
My heart was not in the lecture, but it was somewhat to my interest and it was very practical. Everthing was put simply. So even though i wasn't really paying attention. I could understand what she was talking about.
5minutes break was given. She turned around.
"Are you Singaporean?"
Yea.. we started talking from there.
Realised that she's been here for a sem. She has siblings here as well. But she's missing home lots. After lecture, we walked back home together (st lucia aint that big so we all live somewhere ard the corner) and we talked more.
She's not a christian, but already knows what she need to know about God cause she came from a presbyterian secondary sch. I think she knew where i was heading to judging from the way she went about explaining things.
That's the thing. Somehow pple know who God is but... to know as a personal Lord and saviour is another matter.
Maybe there's a purpose in me doing this course. HmmMMmm... have to pray about it.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Decisions Decisions
This MIGHT be my last semester. Not really sure what's my decision gonna be at the moment. 2.5days to decision day.
To stay would mainly be to obtain PR. But... Doing so requires alot of effort, money, time...not that these are of a worry to me. But there are tough modules that i would have to take and i don't feel confident. It's like stepping into the unknown. I try figure out and calculate the risks but there's just so many factors into play. It almost feelsl like i'm going against the odds.
Yet, this is my best shot at getting a PR... ...
Tomorrow would be another deciding factor.
And even if i do pass this semester doing 3 major core modules. There's the worry for summer. Income Tax law and Accounting for Corporate Structure. Accounting for Corporate Structure is a real worry. It's a tough module with the lecturer advising those who have not done External Reporting to drop the module. The thing is... External Reporting is only offered in Sem 1. Gosh... so how... to me my next best option is to do it in summer. But i wanna do income tax law in summer. It has HEAPS of calculation. And its tricky!
P.S I MUST graduate by June/July. It's NOT an option.
Bummed into a friend who went for advice as well. She looked really upset and all. It took awhile before she opened up to me... telling me that she flunk afew modules. She thinking i was SMart and all (like EVERYBODY does) felt alittle ashamed. But yea... glad that i could be of comfort to her. She's a good girl, works really hard. Anyway, she flunk Income Tax Law... so yar... i know its a tough one.
Met another friend. Asked me what God wants me to do. I can only say that i'm still waiting.
So much to think... and at the same time... i have to start to study and prepare for tutorials next week. So much to do... so much for the "joys" of life.
To stay would mainly be to obtain PR. But... Doing so requires alot of effort, money, time...not that these are of a worry to me. But there are tough modules that i would have to take and i don't feel confident. It's like stepping into the unknown. I try figure out and calculate the risks but there's just so many factors into play. It almost feelsl like i'm going against the odds.
Yet, this is my best shot at getting a PR... ...
Tomorrow would be another deciding factor.
And even if i do pass this semester doing 3 major core modules. There's the worry for summer. Income Tax law and Accounting for Corporate Structure. Accounting for Corporate Structure is a real worry. It's a tough module with the lecturer advising those who have not done External Reporting to drop the module. The thing is... External Reporting is only offered in Sem 1. Gosh... so how... to me my next best option is to do it in summer. But i wanna do income tax law in summer. It has HEAPS of calculation. And its tricky!
P.S I MUST graduate by June/July. It's NOT an option.
Bummed into a friend who went for advice as well. She looked really upset and all. It took awhile before she opened up to me... telling me that she flunk afew modules. She thinking i was SMart and all (like EVERYBODY does) felt alittle ashamed. But yea... glad that i could be of comfort to her. She's a good girl, works really hard. Anyway, she flunk Income Tax Law... so yar... i know its a tough one.
Met another friend. Asked me what God wants me to do. I can only say that i'm still waiting.
So much to think... and at the same time... i have to start to study and prepare for tutorials next week. So much to do... so much for the "joys" of life.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Self inflicted
Glad that the worst is over... but i know that i'm still dissapointed... have to work hard on recovering now before it starts to affect those around me.
I guess its not about trusting in my own abilities. Everything in life is volatile. The only thing that is certain in this world is God himself. I'm comforted that He's the same yesterday, today, forever... ... though i still cannot understand all of His ways, i know that i have to learn to trust.
Trusting and placing my confidence in Him and not myself.
Psalms 37: 3 - 8
Trust in the Lord, and do good;
Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord.
Trust also in Him
And He shall bring it to pass.
He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,
And your justice as the noonday.
Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him;
Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass.
Cease from anger, and forsake wrath;
Do not fret - it only cause harm.
Meaning of fret: Irritation of mind, agitation.
One of the ways of description fret is being used : To disturb the surface of (water or a stream);
I picture still waters, followed by a pebble or a stone. The stone or pebble distrupts/disturbs the stillness. Ripples of waters are observed. I wish to be still. Yet, just like still water, it is often disrupted. It does not need a huge stone; just a leaf and the stillness is gone. Yet, God says do not fret. Perhaps some things are just not made for me to understand. Perhaps He chooses not to reveal the answer so that I will continue to seek and pursue.
The never ending whys in life.
I guess its not about trusting in my own abilities. Everything in life is volatile. The only thing that is certain in this world is God himself. I'm comforted that He's the same yesterday, today, forever... ... though i still cannot understand all of His ways, i know that i have to learn to trust.
Trusting and placing my confidence in Him and not myself.
Psalms 37: 3 - 8
Trust in the Lord, and do good;
Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord.
Trust also in Him
And He shall bring it to pass.
He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,
And your justice as the noonday.
Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him;
Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass.
Cease from anger, and forsake wrath;
Do not fret - it only cause harm.
Meaning of fret: Irritation of mind, agitation.
One of the ways of description fret is being used : To disturb the surface of (water or a stream);
I picture still waters, followed by a pebble or a stone. The stone or pebble distrupts/disturbs the stillness. Ripples of waters are observed. I wish to be still. Yet, just like still water, it is often disrupted. It does not need a huge stone; just a leaf and the stillness is gone. Yet, God says do not fret. Perhaps some things are just not made for me to understand. Perhaps He chooses not to reveal the answer so that I will continue to seek and pursue.
The never ending whys in life.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Woke up by alarm, followed by afew calls. zzZZzzz... still stoned and sleepy.
Must be the air or sth... its so warm last night. Nice to sleep in.
Have to study.
If God can pull me through this, i ought to be thankful.
Think i'm not giving Him the respect or honour that he deserves right now.
If only my eyes can be opened and see the glorious things before me.
I really need a break. I'm still wondering when is my exam. They're so slow... ... tortoise. Should be out today... slackers. (Linda calling the kettle black.)
Thinking of heading back home after the exam. Not sure yet. Really need to break away. This is so draining...
I shouldn't be sad, that would be admitting that God cannot make me happy.
I shouldn't be in despair cause that would mean God doesn't have the ability to help.
I shouldn't feel dejected that would mean God hasn't accepted me.
And yet.. i have in one way or another allowed myself to do what i want... and i don't think God desires me to be this way. So why should i remain in this state? Must change must change.
Must be the air or sth... its so warm last night. Nice to sleep in.
Have to study.
If God can pull me through this, i ought to be thankful.
Think i'm not giving Him the respect or honour that he deserves right now.
If only my eyes can be opened and see the glorious things before me.
I really need a break. I'm still wondering when is my exam. They're so slow... ... tortoise. Should be out today... slackers. (Linda calling the kettle black.)
Thinking of heading back home after the exam. Not sure yet. Really need to break away. This is so draining...
I shouldn't be sad, that would be admitting that God cannot make me happy.
I shouldn't be in despair cause that would mean God doesn't have the ability to help.
I shouldn't feel dejected that would mean God hasn't accepted me.
And yet.. i have in one way or another allowed myself to do what i want... and i don't think God desires me to be this way. So why should i remain in this state? Must change must change.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
My words jumbles up in riddles
i type with food in my hands i nibble
yesterday will be gone forever
dark clouds hover around and hence the cold weather
Lost in my own world i peer out of my window pane
it seems too quiet too dull maybe later it'll rain
today they'll be guest i have to keep sane
remembering that there's an image i have to maintain
A few pages i flip flip flip
hoping that this time round, i won't slip
Numbers like alien signs fly around in my head
so on the soft purple pillow my head laid
words that often looms around.."dark, dull, lonely, cold, rejected, fear, disappointment, dim.." not exactly words that scream YIPPIE!
But yar... its getting cold
i type with food in my hands i nibble
yesterday will be gone forever
dark clouds hover around and hence the cold weather
Lost in my own world i peer out of my window pane
it seems too quiet too dull maybe later it'll rain
today they'll be guest i have to keep sane
remembering that there's an image i have to maintain
A few pages i flip flip flip
hoping that this time round, i won't slip
Numbers like alien signs fly around in my head
so on the soft purple pillow my head laid
words that often looms around.."dark, dull, lonely, cold, rejected, fear, disappointment, dim.." not exactly words that scream YIPPIE!
But yar... its getting cold
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
24 hours, without delay
she gave me the anaswer after meeting her today.
To her it was a matter of professional marking,
To me it was just her own sturborn unrelenting grading.
a pinch of bitterness and sadness can still be found
shaking my head, i sigh with a frown
To break the news was harder for me
My mother was upset i could here from the sound of her speech
I think i heard a cry, i could have been mistaken
my mind please be awaken
to think and to write for the supplementary paper
that i will never have to go through this emotional heart breaker
she gave me the anaswer after meeting her today.
To her it was a matter of professional marking,
To me it was just her own sturborn unrelenting grading.
a pinch of bitterness and sadness can still be found
shaking my head, i sigh with a frown
To break the news was harder for me
My mother was upset i could here from the sound of her speech
I think i heard a cry, i could have been mistaken
my mind please be awaken
to think and to write for the supplementary paper
that i will never have to go through this emotional heart breaker
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
I was walking straight,
and everything was looking great,
till I turned a corner and fell into chains
The bondage brought about anguish and pain.
A blow, yet another blow!
like rushing waves that will never slow.
A cell with no light
days pass me by with little or no delight.
I sat down and pray, crying out to thee
how long more till you'll release me?
when i'm all dried up battered and weak?!
this question i asked and seek
Not long to wait, 24 hours without delay
a girl might scream "Olay! Hooray!"
or come home tired and dismayed.
Whatever it is, good or bad
this jouney will one day come to an end
and tursting that these wounds he will attend
in Him shall i depend.
and everything was looking great,
till I turned a corner and fell into chains
The bondage brought about anguish and pain.
A blow, yet another blow!
like rushing waves that will never slow.
A cell with no light
days pass me by with little or no delight.
I sat down and pray, crying out to thee
how long more till you'll release me?
when i'm all dried up battered and weak?!
this question i asked and seek
Not long to wait, 24 hours without delay
a girl might scream "Olay! Hooray!"
or come home tired and dismayed.
Whatever it is, good or bad
this jouney will one day come to an end
and tursting that these wounds he will attend
in Him shall i depend.
Monday, July 03, 2006
To myself in hope
I have just returned from camp. Saw a letter that i've been awaiting. My scholarship reply has came in. I didn't qualify and... was pretty dissapointed cause this thing has been the cause of many pains. Quarreled with so many pple over it.
But i kinda remembered one of the discussions my group had. Kinda related. Kinda comforted.
Gonna call my mom later... not sure how to break the news to her, but i'm gonna pray about it.
When reality spits at you in the face, God will provide a tissue for you to wipe it off.
Many things i still do not understand, neither can i fanthom. All i can do is trust in God for He is faithful till the very end. Father be my strength.
But i kinda remembered one of the discussions my group had. Kinda related. Kinda comforted.
Gonna call my mom later... not sure how to break the news to her, but i'm gonna pray about it.
When reality spits at you in the face, God will provide a tissue for you to wipe it off.
Many things i still do not understand, neither can i fanthom. All i can do is trust in God for He is faithful till the very end. Father be my strength.
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