Church Outing...

Yup... today had a church outing at Newstead House..... pretty nice place. Tranquil enough for me... Guess who's suppose to execute it out... ME and another friend. Hmm.. however it rained... so travel back.. nonetheless it was a nice day... got to mingle with new people from Korea and China..

Regretted afew stuff... on the way to Newstead... i think i sort of sounded very agitated and frustrated at the poeple in the car... coz they were asking me about transporting someone mid way... and i lost my cool. There was an awkward silence after which i tried to rectify it... it actually wasnt their fault... just that i have alot of things on my mind... and just adding onto it... just glad that i didn't explode... that would be ugly.

After the event, got back home... tried to tidy things up abit... but sigh...i need to adjust again... my housemate just called me earlier... wants the keys back... wants me to pay for the cleaning agent he hired... my mother already tell me don't pay... for the way he treated her and me.. and everything else... i agree that i need not pay... in the first place... i didn't give consent to the hiring of the cleaning agent... i don't know how to break the news to him.. how is he gonna take it...

I need alot of prayers really... my scholarship application needs reference from my lecturer... and now then she only come and email me that she thinks that she's not the appropriate person to do it up for me. Is she kidding? She told me that she'll SEND it in next wEeK! I already spend 100 over AUSSIE dollar just on the application. FREAK! I feel sick at the tot of it... i just hate it when I cannot control the way things are... you know what i mean? DRIVEN BY CIRCUMSTANCES.. it's the worst case scenario of all... and there's nothing i can do about it. Why do people bother giving me their word when they don't fulfill it.... Just want to be left alone really... but today is a dear sister... who's going back to Singapore for good. I'm grateful for the time of fellowship, laughter, suaning and mutual understanding that we shared... the least i can do is to see her off.

I have to kick myself back into positive mode. Look forward... no point whining and getting upset over something which i have no control over... i just have to keep praying... and push the faith button hard...

This week has been a sad, frustrating week... here's why:
1) My water bottle cap was not screwed tightly... it leaked and spoilt my mobile phone
2) Housemate wants me to share the cost of cleaning agent
3) Lecturer HAVEN'T FILLED IN the application form which was suppose to be done LAST WEEK! --> Leads to a angry frustrated mom who keeps yelling at me like its my fault and makes me feel really useless and helpless. Everytime she calls... i actually shudder and hesistate for quite awhile before picking up. It's a very reluctant "can i not pick up?" kinda feeling...
4) Transport to BSF is SCREWED for next week!

Things i am grateful this week:
1) Swollen gums is TOTALLY cured!! Even before i see a dentist.. woohoo (told you all it was not a wisdom tooth problem)
2) Internet is up and working! Haha don't ask me how... i don't know how i did it
3) Outing is over!! (Less things on my mind)
4) Everybody who helped shift my barang barang to the new place

Things i have to deal with:
Forgiveness... to forgive all the dumb unreasonable stupid things that my previous housemate has done... all the trouble... incovenience... to look at him in the eye and see a friend, not a stranger...

Reality... application is in the hands of my lecturer... i'm praying that God's favour will be upon me... and she will JUST WRITE THE APPLICATION AND SETTLE IT ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!
It's a waste of time money and it pushes all the emotional buttons in a WRONG WAY!!! ARGH!

AND... my mother will have TRUST in me... and quit YELLING at me.. cause it will NOT solve any problem... WASTING energy yelling when it can be better used to RESOLVE the issue... cannot tahan any longer... i think i need a run... ...

Father Father... please pull me through this... you hold the answers... you hold the keys... i need your guidiance... your wisdom.. your strength and your grace and mercy... I AM UTTERLY USELESS... but with you i KNOW you can turn things around... HOW?!!! I have no idea... .... i need you to rescue me...