Dear diary,
Today is a Bad day, upset + frustrated. Didn't want things to turn out the way they did today, but it happened anyway. I don't like to talk about things that cannot be changed. What's done is done... i don't cry over spilt milk. I believe things ought to be talked out amicably. Everything can be solved... with a problem comes a solution.
Maybe things were my fault to begin with... MAybe its just the weather. Nobody likes to be yelled at... but it happens anyway. This aint fairyland where people all live peacefully and happily ever after.
I don't want to think about it for now... just want to run away from it all and be like a hermit, hide in my shell and study.
" I'm sorry for the things that are right now, but it already happened. Calm the storm and may i be still, for in you i put my trust and hope upon. I look to you."
Monday, January 30, 2006
Friday, January 27, 2006
Woohoo.. Mummy is arriving
In about 6 hours time my mom's flight would have reached Brisbane. Did alittle clean up here and there... scrub the kitchen oven, notify my flatmate that my mom will be arriving so that he won't be so shocked ( like he care like that). That time when my dad and sis arrived he didn't even bother to go and greet them. Just remained in that room of his... Hmph.
Really grateful that a friend of mine can give me and my mom a life back. Cause cabs don't come cheap. Yea.. how coincidental can it be? Her brother and my mom are on the same flight! It's not coincidental, it was God planned. The invisible hand at work. I'm super joyful today, that's a good note to start the day with yea?!
Really grateful that a friend of mine can give me and my mom a life back. Cause cabs don't come cheap. Yea.. how coincidental can it be? Her brother and my mom are on the same flight! It's not coincidental, it was God planned. The invisible hand at work. I'm super joyful today, that's a good note to start the day with yea?!
Thursday, January 26, 2006
DoiNk!
Don't feel like saying much today.
Tomorrow my mummy arrives.
Have to clean up, study and make time for God.
I am still seeking, still asking and knocking.
I need to play whack the crocodile on the head.
Tomorrow my mummy arrives.
Have to clean up, study and make time for God.
I am still seeking, still asking and knocking.
I need to play whack the crocodile on the head.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
The choices that are made
I was looking through friendster... found another long lost friend. We were in the same class in primary school, can't remember if we ever spoke. But, she was a prominent girl, cannot be missed becoz she's super tall. In secondary school, she was prefect, but i never spoke to her. Can't believe that she still remembers me... i always know that she is smart, with a very strong distinctive facial features. So she has now made it in the modelling world, saw her portfolio... astonished and shocked, she was almost naked in some pictures. Is this what she really wants? Is this what living is all about? Doing what we really want? Pursuing our own dreams? Taking chances?
It is a constant stuggle to merge both spiritual life and reality together. There used to be a clear cut in both areas. The cut was so clear.. that it almost seemed like i was having two totally different personalities live in one world until, until, he tore down the very things i thought were important, my life has never been so transparent... to the point of agreeing that my life was actually empty... so empty that it is worthless... and though i'm so worthless, he saw me as a precious daughter, called me his very own child and gave up his own son just so that i am given another chance.
There's nothing wrong with being a model.. but at least retain some self dignity! I don't agree with the path your taking. Sometimes, black is black, white is white... its just like lies.. there's no such things as white lies... you must be thinking... that's harsh. But how can you say black is the same as grey? The world has turned things that are so wrong to things that appear not so wrong. Like a girl is a girl, and a boy is a boy, yet the world has turned it upside down. With bisexuals, transexual... you don't know what is what. Simple logic... something so simple and so beautiful have been tarnished in our very own hands.
There's too many issues in this world. I cannot comprehend. It pains me so... just to see friends going in so many wrong directions. Maybe one has to go through darkness so that one can understand and embrace the light. There's choices to be made in life... and every choice we make has consequences. Which door to open? Matt 7:7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." We don't have to make the choices cause we don't know what is behind the door... but He knows. So why not trust and let him do the leading? (Easier said than done...)
Many times in a battle, I draw out my sword to fight, forgetting that this is not my battle but God's alone.
It is a constant stuggle to merge both spiritual life and reality together. There used to be a clear cut in both areas. The cut was so clear.. that it almost seemed like i was having two totally different personalities live in one world until, until, he tore down the very things i thought were important, my life has never been so transparent... to the point of agreeing that my life was actually empty... so empty that it is worthless... and though i'm so worthless, he saw me as a precious daughter, called me his very own child and gave up his own son just so that i am given another chance.
There's nothing wrong with being a model.. but at least retain some self dignity! I don't agree with the path your taking. Sometimes, black is black, white is white... its just like lies.. there's no such things as white lies... you must be thinking... that's harsh. But how can you say black is the same as grey? The world has turned things that are so wrong to things that appear not so wrong. Like a girl is a girl, and a boy is a boy, yet the world has turned it upside down. With bisexuals, transexual... you don't know what is what. Simple logic... something so simple and so beautiful have been tarnished in our very own hands.
There's too many issues in this world. I cannot comprehend. It pains me so... just to see friends going in so many wrong directions. Maybe one has to go through darkness so that one can understand and embrace the light. There's choices to be made in life... and every choice we make has consequences. Which door to open? Matt 7:7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." We don't have to make the choices cause we don't know what is behind the door... but He knows. So why not trust and let him do the leading? (Easier said than done...)
Many times in a battle, I draw out my sword to fight, forgetting that this is not my battle but God's alone.
Faith vs Truth
Spent time with a new friend after school today. She is the hong kong girl i wrote about yesterday. It was so sweet of her to like give me a lift back home. So surprised that she owns a car.
Then i realise that she was gonna do her grocery so ended up going with her to indooroopilly shopping centre.. and ended up having lunch with her before doing groceries with her. Talked quite alot, and she shared quite alot... a very nice down to earth gril.
So here's what i know about her... she's the only child in her family, owns a car for safety reasons... coz of some incident that happened when she was walking home one night. She lives alone because she knows that its hard to live with a friend... lifestyle difference...etc. It's easy for one to mistake her as a rich materialistic kinda girl, but she's not! Like i said, she's down to earth, reasonable... unspoilt girl.
And she's pretty serious about her studies too! She was in the same tutorial class with me instead of following her friends. Her friends felt that the tute we went to was too long.. and opted for the other class. So you can tell... she doesn't follow the crowd blindly.
Only child, living alone... i believe that there are times where she feels lonely and all. Since she lives near me... shall accompany her more often. Maybe dinner at my place together or something.
Today's lesson was pretty long... felt that the teacher was going like a tutu train. But nonetheless, manage to catch some stuff... thanks to the revision that i did last night. Tml i have to clear up my room, make it super sparkling clean when my mom arrives on Friday. Actually i just got off the phone with her. I felt tense when speaking with her. I felt compelled... whatever it is, i just pray that i'll keep my cool when she arrives, praying for:
her journey mercy,
good weather,
something nice and cheerfu to happen during her stay here,
pray that everything will be pleasing in His eyes,
pray that it'll be a fruitful time of peaceful joyful bonding with each other,
pray that we won't quarrel,
pray that the'll be no embarrassing moments.
Her stay here is significant, i almost feel like its her majesty who is coming to visit.
"Father, you are the only one who is in control of the situation. I pray that you will be in every situation, in every second that passes me by, that you will be glorified."
Got to go make a list of what to do when mummy is here... not that i want to be kept super busy, but mummy is a super mom. She is always on the ball... sometimes it is I who cannot keep up with her. Like i said... my mom is a superwoman.
Then i realise that she was gonna do her grocery so ended up going with her to indooroopilly shopping centre.. and ended up having lunch with her before doing groceries with her. Talked quite alot, and she shared quite alot... a very nice down to earth gril.
So here's what i know about her... she's the only child in her family, owns a car for safety reasons... coz of some incident that happened when she was walking home one night. She lives alone because she knows that its hard to live with a friend... lifestyle difference...etc. It's easy for one to mistake her as a rich materialistic kinda girl, but she's not! Like i said, she's down to earth, reasonable... unspoilt girl.
And she's pretty serious about her studies too! She was in the same tutorial class with me instead of following her friends. Her friends felt that the tute we went to was too long.. and opted for the other class. So you can tell... she doesn't follow the crowd blindly.
Only child, living alone... i believe that there are times where she feels lonely and all. Since she lives near me... shall accompany her more often. Maybe dinner at my place together or something.
Today's lesson was pretty long... felt that the teacher was going like a tutu train. But nonetheless, manage to catch some stuff... thanks to the revision that i did last night. Tml i have to clear up my room, make it super sparkling clean when my mom arrives on Friday. Actually i just got off the phone with her. I felt tense when speaking with her. I felt compelled... whatever it is, i just pray that i'll keep my cool when she arrives, praying for:
her journey mercy,
good weather,
something nice and cheerfu to happen during her stay here,
pray that everything will be pleasing in His eyes,
pray that it'll be a fruitful time of peaceful joyful bonding with each other,
pray that we won't quarrel,
pray that the'll be no embarrassing moments.
Her stay here is significant, i almost feel like its her majesty who is coming to visit.
"Father, you are the only one who is in control of the situation. I pray that you will be in every situation, in every second that passes me by, that you will be glorified."
Got to go make a list of what to do when mummy is here... not that i want to be kept super busy, but mummy is a super mom. She is always on the ball... sometimes it is I who cannot keep up with her. Like i said... my mom is a superwoman.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
!/2 the summer journey is gone!
The mid exams are over... so half the summer journey have passed me by just like that. Left half the journey. Life is a journey of constant learning. I am still learning... like a little bud, i want to keep growing towards the light and one day blossom.
Today i got to know a new friend! Heehee... and she lives so near me! Nice hong kong girl... I formed my first few impression of her by looking at her friends. Her friends were talking and laughing. Just didn't look like the kind who studies if you know what i mean. But, too many times my judgement has failed me. So i was nice, didn't avoid the conversations and it turned out that she's quite a different person to what i thought she was. Well, will get to know her better in afew days time.
Tomorrow got lesson. Have to revise today's homework and do homework. Gonna do all tonight. Revising today's work shall be my main goal. Cause the chapter holds quite alot of weightage for the finals i think. I hope the finals will be easy!! Life is so full of uncertainty (what a coincidence, my friend just typed "Life is so unpredictable" in MSN. Singing the same tune). The only thing that i can be certain of right now is my salvation. Just focusing on the ultimate goal, makes everything that surrounds me insignificant.
Thoughts for today: Life always seems out of control. Like the saying.. "Life is like a box of chocolate, you'll never know what you're going to get". Yet, there is someone in control of every situation, always there, always present.
If i got time, i would love to add a photo slideshow next to all the entries. Shall do that when i got the time.
Today i got to know a new friend! Heehee... and she lives so near me! Nice hong kong girl... I formed my first few impression of her by looking at her friends. Her friends were talking and laughing. Just didn't look like the kind who studies if you know what i mean. But, too many times my judgement has failed me. So i was nice, didn't avoid the conversations and it turned out that she's quite a different person to what i thought she was. Well, will get to know her better in afew days time.
Tomorrow got lesson. Have to revise today's homework and do homework. Gonna do all tonight. Revising today's work shall be my main goal. Cause the chapter holds quite alot of weightage for the finals i think. I hope the finals will be easy!! Life is so full of uncertainty (what a coincidence, my friend just typed "Life is so unpredictable" in MSN. Singing the same tune). The only thing that i can be certain of right now is my salvation. Just focusing on the ultimate goal, makes everything that surrounds me insignificant.
Thoughts for today: Life always seems out of control. Like the saying.. "Life is like a box of chocolate, you'll never know what you're going to get". Yet, there is someone in control of every situation, always there, always present.
If i got time, i would love to add a photo slideshow next to all the entries. Shall do that when i got the time.
Monday, January 23, 2006
Humility like never displayed before
I couldn't sleep a wink last night.. was tossing left and right... my body temperature was unusually high... and could literally feel my brain burning. Burning what i have no clue. Whatever it is... last night was sheer struggle of keeping my thought together. My thoughts were all over the place... right... just what i needed, a "good" sleep before my mid.
Before i knew it, the sun was up and i had to drag myself out of bed. I felt so drained, lethargic. I commanded every single strength i had left in me, said a quick prayer, and glanced through one last time through all the work. I left home, hopped on the bus and arrived in sch abt 20mins earlier. Revised again and sat for the paper. I remained calm throughout the whole paper, no point panicking. Besides i think i don't have anymore energy left to panick.
Lecture was really "great" because i couldn't catch much of what she is trying to get to. Another session of ???? And there was this working adult in class who couldnt quite catch one part of what she was trying to say. So he interrupted her politely and said "I'm sorry for my stupidity, but regarding the graph... etc" It really changed the whole atmosphere in the lecture room. Nobody saw him as being stupid (at least not me). It got me more alert. Like wow... its not everyday you hear someone say something like that.
Many times i try to defend myself when i'm being ridiculed of being dumb, blur or something. Well, actually it doesn't matter what other people think because many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first.
Before i knew it, the sun was up and i had to drag myself out of bed. I felt so drained, lethargic. I commanded every single strength i had left in me, said a quick prayer, and glanced through one last time through all the work. I left home, hopped on the bus and arrived in sch abt 20mins earlier. Revised again and sat for the paper. I remained calm throughout the whole paper, no point panicking. Besides i think i don't have anymore energy left to panick.
Lecture was really "great" because i couldn't catch much of what she is trying to get to. Another session of ???? And there was this working adult in class who couldnt quite catch one part of what she was trying to say. So he interrupted her politely and said "I'm sorry for my stupidity, but regarding the graph... etc" It really changed the whole atmosphere in the lecture room. Nobody saw him as being stupid (at least not me). It got me more alert. Like wow... its not everyday you hear someone say something like that.
Many times i try to defend myself when i'm being ridiculed of being dumb, blur or something. Well, actually it doesn't matter what other people think because many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first.
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