I have been through so much this week... only becoz of one person. The past has come to haunt me. Close friends would have known who that one person is. As i struggled with the truth i have seemingly fallen back to the past. It was so hard to get up, and i ought to be stronger. What could have happened? Argh... as i sat in church, the peace in my heart was broken. Taking its place was bitterness and resentment. I couldn't seem to handle or control my emotions. Suddenly my thoughts were filled with him. Argh... i needed a solution.
Something was stirring in my heart, it was strong and i knew i had to do something, but what? I wailed in my heart to my only saviour. He gave me a solution and for awhile there was peace in my heart. But my mind was still filled with him. It was happening all over again. Turning to my a close friend and a confidant, i realised what i was doing... i was probably escaping. Whatever it was, i had to learn to brush it aside. After i was sober, i talked out loud to the Lord in my room. The Lord has opened my eyes and released me from my own fear and placed in me the peace once again.
Yep! How could i have been part of the cell group i am in right now if i was still with him? How could i have reached out to the people whom were precious to the Lord? How could i have forgotten his will? Haha... yes... it's ridiculous to allow one person to come destroy the plans the Lord has. Though i have a mixture of feelings right now and i'm not sure what i have to do next, i know that He will guide my path and protect me.
To my friends: "Thanks for all the concerns and comfort that you have given me. I wouldnt have made it through w/o your prayers and consistent encouragement."
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